Every marriage has its ups and downs. Sometimes everything seems to flow easily with your partner, while other times you may drive each other crazy. Effectively navigating through the turbulent times isn’t necessarily instinctive.
Particularly in the early stages of a marriage, couples need to have a good degree of adaptability in order to figure out a way of being together that works for both parties. That isn’t always easy for many couples—at any point in the relationship.
But if you’re feeling disappointed with your partner, it’s important not to sweep these feelings under the rug and hope they go away. When left to fester, disappointment quickly degrades into hopelessness—and hopelessness is a virtually impossible state to bounce back from.
Hopelessness and divorce
A group of social scientists examined the link between hopelessness and a marriage’s viability. Couples who felt hopeless in their marriage at the beginning of the study more often ended up divorced within three years. Marriage counselors have noted similar trends.
When a member of a marriage is hopeless, they’ve reached a state of apathy. They’re no longer willing to work on the relationship to make things better—because they already feel as though it’s a lost cause.
A way forward
In a marriage, addressing feelings of disappointment head-on is critical. Disillusionment in a marriage is treatable, but hopelessness is usually not. Communicate with your partner about your concerns, and work on setting realistic expectations together. A couples therapist or a postnuptial agreement can both be helpful tools in this process.